la dolce vita

woopsss.

2006-09-25T23:58:00.001+08:00

hey.... i noe i havent updated for a long long time.since feb i think, haven had much time.. sorry peepz…anyway, LOTS LOTS LOTS had happened since i last updated! it wud take forever for me to write it all, norval camp, phillip island, autumn fest, big noise, jol s bday, vern s bday, sleepovers, my cooking, family in melb, aunt bb n daughters, new ppl ive met…. so many many many things… but mayb not now… been realli bz lately, exams comin up soon, and had dis slight injury last weekend which slowed down almost EVERYTH!!! its so hard to do anythin. Accidentally cut my finger opening the tuna can on sunday afta finishin my chem project wif li sher in ongs (cafe downstairs). Saw lots of blood, freaked out, called ken, he came over, more freaked out then i am, both of us dint noe wat to do, it was bleedin a hell lot!!! ended up goin to d clinic for students at cardigan st but was closed went to d one opposite kfc, dey said we had to go over to d one in royal parade which is rather far, but we had to so we did… al d way ken was freakin out, i was laughin, makin joke of d whole thing, later met jol n vern at d hosp.. had no idea y dey d come all d way for such a small thing, but it was really sweet of em.. thanks guys.. den d doc called, i was laughin n talkin al d way as usual, when i kept quiet for awhile d doc was like, r u ok? hehe… afta dat nth much, went bak, wif thickly bandaged finger, felt helpless… hurt pretty badly, later at nite, jol n vern came over, dey d made sandwich for me..so sweet!!!! (tho i still think it wasnt dat big a deal) Thanks guys, u guys been really nice n sweettttt( d ice cream cake worked yea!!)Besides that, nth much, last week we had our drama group performance, wasnt all dat bad, was fun actually.. title was square peg round hole, abt a rigid guy n his life…. bsides that, had eng test earlier today, wasnt too bad either, more exams nxt week… den hols !!! (mine starts early.. woo hooo … on the 13th!!! so cant wait!!!) jol, vern, ken, i plannin to go for hols, not sure where, most prob fraser island.. sumwhere in queensland… lookin forward to it… anyways, dats all for now… wil update soon.. promise… hehe….

woopsss.

2006-09-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

every end is a new begining

2006-02-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

hey, its been a while since i updated dis. well, been realli bz dis past week. on friday, 10th feb, we were sposed to go pantballin but due to d rain, we had to postpone it. so those hu were there, includin me, sat arnd taj cafe, in hope dt d rain wud stop but unfortuntly it didnt. so we decided to go to d cyber cafe, near taylors. Those hu were thre-nisita, amir, akmal, choy, james.i hav nvr been realli fond of computer games, so i decided dt i wud go back cos i my aunt, wan jah had invited me n my family over to her place for dinner. Akmal sent me home, together with james. dey came into the hse, n we talked for quite sum time. as they were jus bt to leave, choy n amir (hu lives very near my place) dropped by my place. so dey stayed n we talked n played afta dat. somehow rather, dey started playin ps n it was alredi 730 pm...i had to shoo them away cos we really had to go redi.. hehe (evil, huh?) so den, yeah, we went over to my aunt's. we had dinner. (totally malay dinner, makanan kampung) n it was delicious.... we stayed on for dessert n talked. I cudnt bliv dat dat was my last time to see them, not until dec... sigh...

i spent d rest of sat wif my family. we went for a chinese lunch, had dim sum n yee sang... yummy.. den went to bangsar to meet my grndma..later on, we jus hang arnd bangsar n had dinner there... on sunday, i went paintballin wif my frens...mostly my kdu frens turned up, it was really really fun. but i hav to admit, i suck at dat game... i got shot at d thigh, n there was a really big bruise afta dat... haha.. afta d game, we went for a drink n wy sent me home, or rather, 10 of us home, in his car..(wy , yv t, yv c, me, jw, dony, shern, shir li) ok less then 10 in his car... a honda sth hehe...sorry wy, cant remember... n god noes how long b4 ill meet dem agaiN!!!... sob...

on monday,(it was d-day) i jus stayed at home n finished up my scrapbook... later on in d afternoon, kok keong n akmal came over to my place to say goodbye.. they spent like 2-3 hrs... haha... i began to receive phone calls from my close frens n my cousin, kaknani.... half an hour later, che mah, tek n ayah jing came over... they bought me a bedsheet, bedroom slippers n towel..... how sweet...

n soon, d time had come.. im off to d airport!!! during check in, we were told dat we were upgraded to business class(so cooL!!! my first time ever!!) haha... n received even more phone calls n sms'.. jus ade e wanna cry even more... after checkin in, i had to bid farewell to my bro,azim n al d rest.. it was so sad.. i even cried, especially when azim cried... i jus cudnt help it...

on d plane, i sat nxt to a gal by d name of june.. apparently, shes a student in melb uni n shes in her third yr.. we chatted for quite a bit n she offered to bring me arnd d place when thre is d time.. shes realli fun n sweet... i got to noe more abt d melb lifestyle thru her... in a way, i dint feel so nervous n scared anymore... d rest of d flight, welll, i slept... jus like evry1 else..

when i arrived in melb, my heart was beating, it felt s if it was goin to explode.... we took a taxi to my new apartment... it was quite a distance.. abt 25 mins ride... once at d apartmnt, we checked in.. my parents r styin in d hotel nxt to my apartment so it wasnt far at all.wentup to my room which is on d 6th floor n as i stepped in, i was speechless.. it was nth like d pics on the internet..(well, it nvr is) but afta cleanin up n rearrangn d furnitures it wasnt dat bad... while i was unpackin, wif my parents, my hsemate came back... soon i learned dat she was from hk n currently studyin in taylors here.... i spent d rest of d day walkin arnd d city wif my parents...

d nxt day(wed), we went to safeway n big w.... dats wat d supermarkets like giant n carrefour r called here... we bought al d stuff dat i wud b needin like food n all..had 2 make 2 trips back n forth cos dere were too many things.my mum cooked for dinner(wont b long b4 i wont get to taste her cookin nemore... sob) jus sat arnd n tlked to my parents in their hotel room afta dat.... later at nite, as i was abt to go back to my room.. i met choon kye (msian) meng hao(msian) li eon(msian) n ferdinand (indon) at d reception. apparently dey were lookin for eugene (msia) hu happened to be my neighbour..so dey asked me to bring the to his room n so i did... but he wasnt there.. so dey came by my place to look at how big it is n al, den dey invited m over to their place which is in cmc.. 3 blocks away from where i was stayin. dey showed me each n evry one of their room n they were l much bigger den mine. but i still preferred my place cos dey hard to share d toilets n kitchen as well... afta d 'survey' dey brought me down to d kitchen here we sat n ate fruits ( lots of em) n talked.. later, a gal by d name of caleen joined us n well, we toked even more.. got to noe more bt all of dem...meng hao n li eon were from ktj n they noe my bro, akmal.. ferdinand, collects guns n noes all d self defense stuff, choon kye.. always abt his scouts n all... caleen, we dint reali tok much..cos she joined us when i was abt to leave.

next day was my first day in trinity. it was jus an orientation but it was a realli long n tiring day. first i walked to cmc which was jus on d way to meet d guys n caleen.. den we walked to trinity together n met ricky along d way.. once there, we registered our name, took our pic for d student card, took our health card, n found out our campsite, we had to wait for nearly an hr to sit for our eng diagnostic test. dis was when i met lots of new ppl from all over d world, from msia (duh!!), spore, indon, brunei, thai, hk, macao, oman, china.. n more from msia..

den it was time for our eng test.. it was seperated int0 3, one was fil in d blanks, another was correct d words n last was an essay... afta dat, we had a tour arnd d campus which is btw reali big!! but our tour guide (ban teik) was tired too he jus tok us arnd walkin n showed us all d short cuts.. (realli usefuL!!).. haha.. we finished our tour arnd 45 mins while others took like an hour n a half!! haha..afta d tour, we had another 3 hrs of lecture... introductory dat is so nth reali important... d first hr, dey lecturer was sayin how tough it is for medic students to get a place in melb uni.. so afta i left d theater, d guys were like teasin me cos im plannn to take medic...by d time we got back it was redi 6.30 pm so i went to meet my parents n had dinner, n it was d usual afta dat..dinner, talked n went to bed afta dat...

on fri, there were inroductory lectures to help us determine wat subjects we wanna take, but cos i redi knew wat subs i wanted to take, i went shoppin wif my parents instead... d shoppin malls r LONG N HUGE!!!! almost 5 km long!! n most of d things r relatively cheap cos dere is sale now.. yea. spent d whole day shoppin wif my mum n dad.. bought sum things for my bros back home n sis in uk also....late afternoon, we went back to d room, showered n had dinner, afta dat, we went out again n walked arnd lygon st.

sat, it was more shoppin for us.. dis time, we went to d other side of d mall... later on at nite, we had dinner at lygon st. it was very much like bangsar n al... it was a realli nice dinner but very cold too( we sat outside d restaurant). afta dinner, we walked down d street n saw an ice cream shop!!! so we stopped dere to get sum n it was humungous!!! but it was realli realli realli delicious..!!!

19th feb.... my parents left for home at noon... i was feelin so so sad... i even cried when my parents hugged me.. n i cudnt stop even afta dat.. mayb cos we spent so much time togehter d past week n d fact dat i knew we r thousands of mles away.. n i wont b seein dem for d next 10-11 months!!!i dint feel lik goin out, so i cooked my own lunch.. white rice, vege n roast chicken ibought d othr day.. it was yucks!!! haha.. yea i admit it.. haha... afta i hd my lunch, my frens called n asked me out..(as if dey knew i was feelin down) so i folowed dem cos dey were redi downstairs in d lobby waitin 4 me... we went to queen victoria market.. its more like a pasar malam.. but its very big too.. afta dat, we went to safeway cos dey wanted to get sum of their stuf.. in d evening, i went out 4 dinner wif caleen at nando's.. got to noe her much more. she's realli sweet n nice.. reminds me of yan yan sumhow rather... when i got back to my apartment, my hsemate was so caring, she kept me company, n she dint wanna leave me until i was feelin better. she even lent me her dvds to keep me occupied... sweet rite!!!

as 4 today, we ad to choose our subs n register dem t d college. my session was d first one, at 930.. afta dat, i was free d whole day. so caleen n i decided to go out of d city n us hav a look arnd. it was my first time on d tram too!!!haha... we packed our own lunch, n sat on a bench by d road to hav it... cool experience!!when we came back to d city, we went to get our books at d 2nd hand bkshop but theydint hav any, so we made our way to d trinity bkshop n bought our handbks... got home arnd 5.30. n oh yeah in d afternoon, when i came back to put d books n all, i accidentally locked d room when d key is stil inside!! haha.. had to go down to d reception to gt a spare one!!!! den i showered n cooked dinner!!! haha... dis time was fried meehoon... it wasnt as bad...edible tho!!! hahaha.. so proud of myself!!! haha... anyway, its gotten pretty long redi.. id better stop now.. ciao

as d days go by...

2006-02-08T23:24:00.002+08:00

hey there, been a while since i popped in.. was away for the past week. went back to kelantan for 4 days, tganu, 1 and club med 3.. interesting experience that was. first night in club med, i received a voice msg from catherine (from IDP) sayin that i hav been offered a scholarship!!! I was excited, i immediately jumped on my feet when I heard it. It was oni later that I found out that I had to write a 500 words essay on my personal and academic goals, before being short-listed again.Then there wud b another interview... SIGH!!! so much for the joy!..

As i got home, I realised ( not actually realised, being pretending not to know) that Ive only a week left before my new life in melbourne. its so so sad, excited in a way. gonna miss all my frens, n especially my family. A day after that, I started getting all the stuff I would need there. Yesterday, I went to IDP which was in front of Taylors at around 11.. (sposed to go at 9 but had a lil miscommunication w me driver, n my parents werent arnd-in kelantan).. once ive settled everyth, I went to meet a few of my kdu frens at taylors, den to subang parade with another one of my srikl frens. Later, we went back to taylors, to meet yan. N hu knew I would have met so many of my old frens....(Tze Lin, Jun Wei, Michelle, Nefertiti, Ming Han, Zhiyi, Min Ern, wei kiat n others too, sorry i cant remember, too manY!!). that was oni at d entrance. as i was tokin to them, kok keong came along, n asked me to go to starbucks, so i went. What a surprise it was!!! Prav n Kris, together with Marcus was there. I havent seen them for ages and we've been meaning to meet up but nvr had the chance. Coincidentally.... it was Prav's bday... yeah.. wat r d odds, huh?? so we sat n chat. Me n kok keong got a "cake" for her... well so called (was actually a pastry with 2 lollipops sticking out, like candles). sang her d normal bday song, n continued to chat.

afta dat, we continued to chat until shir li called sayin she wanted to meet me. she was at asia cafe.. jus near by so i walked dere afta sayin bye to d sriklians.. dere i met her, shern, wy n a few of their new frens.. dat was pretty much it.. long n interesting day.

as d days go by...

2006-02-08T23:24:00.001+08:00

hey there, been a while since i popped in.. was away for the past week. went back to kelantan for 4 days, tganu, 1 and club med 3.. interesting experience that was. first night in club med, i received a voice msg from catherine (from IDP) sayin that i hav been offered a scholarship!!! I was excited, i immediately jumped on my feet when I heard it. It was oni later that I found out that I had to write a 500 words essay on my personal and academic goals, before being short-listed again.Then there wud b another interview... SIGH!!! so much for the joy!..

As i got home, I realised ( not actually realised, being pretending not to know) that Ive only a week left before my new life in melbourne. its so so sad, excited in a way. gonna miss all my frens, n especially my family. A day after that, I started getting all the stuff I would need there. Yesterday, I went to IDP which was in front of Taylors at around 11.. (sposed to go at 9 but had a lil miscommunication w me driver, n my parents werent arnd-in kelantan).. once ive settled everyth, I went to meet a few of my kdu frens at taylors, den to subang parade with another one of my srikl frens. Later, we went back to taylors, to meet yan. N hu knew I would have met so many of my old frens....(Tze Lin, Jun Wei, Michelle, Nefertiti, Ming Han, Zhiyi, Min Ern, wei kiat n others too, sorry i cant remember, too manY!!). that was oni at d entrance. as i was tokin to them, kok keong came along, n asked me to go to starbucks, so i went. What a surprise it was!!! Prav n Kris, together with Marcus was there. I havent seen them for ages and we've been meaning to meet up but nvr had the chance. Coincidentally.... it was Prav's bday... yeah.. wat r d odds, huh?? so we sat n chat. Me n kok keong got a "cake" for her... well so called (was actually a pastry with 2 lollipops sticking out, like candles). sang her d normal bday song, n continued to chat.

afta dat, i stayed on n chat... not long afta, shir li called me, n sed she wans to meet me, she was at asia cafe which was jus arnd d corner. so i sed goodbye n went to meet shir li shern wy n sum of their new frens.. on d way to srikl i met james n jolyn too.. met lots of my kdu n srikl frens.. a very pleasant n fun day it was...

wat a day!!!

2006-02-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

hey there, been a while since i popped in.. was away for the past week. went back to kelantan for 4 days, tganu, 1 and club med 3.. interesting experience that was. first night in club med, i received a voice msg from catherine (from IDP) sayin that i hav been offered a scholarship!!! I was excited, i immediately jumped on my feet when I heard it. It was oni later that I found out that I had to write a 500 words essay on my personal and academic goals, before being short-listed again.Then there wud b another interview... SIGH!!! so much for the joy!..

As i got home, I realised ( not actually realised, being pretending not to know) that Ive only a week left before my new life in melbourne. its so so sad, excited in a way. gonna miss all my frens, n especially my family. A day after that, I started getting all the stuff I would need there. Yesterday, I went to IDP which was in front of Taylors at around 11.. (sposed to go at 9 but had a lil miscommunication w me driver, n my parents werent arnd-in kelantan).. once ive settled everyth, I went to meet a few of my kdu frens at taylors, den to subang parade with another one of my srikl frens. Later, we went back to taylors, to meet yan. N hu knew I would have met so many of my old frens....(Tze Lin, Jun Wei, Michelle, Nefertiti, Ming Han, Zhiyi, Min Ern, wei kiat n others too, sorry i cant remember, too manY!!). that was oni at d entrance. as i was tokin to them, kok keong came along, n asked me to go to starbucks, so i went. What a surprise it was!!! Prav n Kris, together with Marcus was there. I havent seen them for ages and we've been meaning to meet up but nvr had the chance. Coincidentally.... it was Prav's bday... yeah.. wat r d odds, huh?? so we sat n chat. Me n kok keong got a "cake" for her... well so called (was actually a pastry with 2 lollipops sticking out, like candles). sang her d normal bday song, n continued to chat.

while i was talkin to them, guess hu called!!! yeah, shir li.. one of my kdu frens. apparently, mich hu saw me earlier had told her dat i was there. so she wanted to meet me at asia cafe, which was oni a few steps away. So i did, n met even more of my frens.. (shern, wei lynn, wei yang, lyn ley, james n jolynn) some of them, when i was walkin back to srikl where my mum was sposed to pick me up.

dat was pretty much it. wat a day, huh... glad dat i got to meet most of dem b4 i leave. neways, im gonna end it here for now.. ttfn...

wats goin on?!?!?!

2006-01-26T21:00:00.000+08:00

hey there.. yeah, its me again, still at home, bored, well, d usual..went to d saloon today. got my hair cut, for a change, i permed it, jus wanted to try sth new.. it took nearly 3 hrs. talked to d hairdressers for quite a bit, n it was rather interesting. he was from medan, indonesia so we talked abt d diff culture, songs, movies, n mainly, types of hair styles. afta a while, we ran out of stuf to tok abt, i shifted my attention to d mags.. oh ya, my mum.. she highlighted hers, done way b4 i was, so imagine how restless she was, hehe.. (sorry mum). nth much really. afta dat we headed home.

oh yeah, my life aint all dat dull nemore!! finally got d dance classes started, latin-american dance, rather interestin.. 3 times a week, at night. durin d day, i'd struggle w my scrapbook!!! for some reason(mayb cos i was too free) i made it so much harder for me.... bsides dat,ooo.. im learnin how to play d druM!!!! (from my bro of cos) jus a few songs! n bliv me when i say, it's really d best way for sum1 to let all d anger n frustration out.!!!! n fun too! goin back to my hometown for 4 days, goin by car all d way to kelantan( yup, 6/7/8 hrs at least!!!) czn's gettin married, so yeah. den gonna hop over to club med cherating(woo hoO!!!been wantin to go there since, foreva!!) for 3 days, den back home..

wat else.... oh yeah, out of boredom, i've listed like 10 things i shud do dis yr. some of dem are rather impossible, but there's no harm in tryin rite...so here goes..

finish up my dance course.
take up acting n hopefully act in a play
get a job during d hols
skiin durin winter, surfin in summer...
of cos, study hard.. thx to d stupid, almost impossible mark requirement!! (98.. r they out of their mind!!!)
go to a live concert!
build an organisation for charity
party, party n...... well, parTY!
hav a fun n memorable time in aussie, make as many frens as psb..
keep in touch w frens n family!!

wel, in other words, hav fun, try new stuff n bein productive!anyway, ya.. im bored, n im bored out of my minD!!!

ciaoz dude..

another day in paradise

2006-01-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

NOT!!spendin d whole day at home, wif absolutely nth to do n no one else except for d tv n comp... it absolutely ain't wat i'd imagined of paradise. At first, yeah, it's wonderful, no worries, no one to boss u arnd, no obligations, no responsibilities, no nothing, jus u n a hell lot of leisure time.. (wud b anyone's dream on a skewl day). It's been a month n a half. It gets a lil boring and trust me, it is stressful alrite....

Try sittin at home the whole day, stuck at home, with absolutely no ability to drive, no permission to at least take a stroll arnd d neighbourhood n not forgettin, havin no one to tok to(evryone's in college) it can drive anyone nuts...

I couldn't take it much longer, so I decided to start getting some work done around the house. Helped my mom out in the kitchen prepare for dinner, baked brownies n cakes on occasions, did a lil cleanin here n there, threw out all d old n broken stuff, donated some of our old toys n clothes to the needy, going to the gym, makin a scrapbook of my life (still workin on it, really keepin me bz), n the most exciting of all, dance classes. Been sth I've been wantin to take up for ages...

All in all, I've been tryin to keep myself busy to past time instead of bein totally unproductive by jus lazin arnd n addin a few extra pounds. N yeah, it feels good, I dun feel so useless (literally speaking) n yes, due to all d boredom dat has bombarded me, I am lookin forward to college even though, I'm gonna dread leavin my loved ones behind, n hatin d fact that I wont b seein n goin loco wif my frens for a ver long time.

The Sweetest Moment

2006-01-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

Here's an essay written by a fren of mine, what he has written, really gave me lots to think abt, especially abt life, so go on n read it...

The Sweetest Moment
By Jonathan Siao

It appeared as a pure blob of paradise. The great essence of it made me picture a scenic island that was worthy of the title, Heaven on Earth. Coconut trees bent in the direction of the wind, golden brown sand running through my toes, the washing of the waves against the shore could truly be felt in that very blob.

Indulgence sufficient enough to satisfy a prince, fatten a queen and even satiate a king. Indulgence better than the entertainment of jesters and acrobats or even gypsies where kings would hold their pints pointed to the sky and laugh with joy! Where dancing girls amused grown men and even attempted to seduce them. Able enough to send the blood pumping through their veins in excitement.

The joy when your arrow hits the fox you were targeting. When the dart hits the bull’s-eye or even when the damsel waves to you from her bedroom window. When the endorphins in your brain rush through your body and your impulses tell you what to feel. Your blood pressure rises and your cheeks blush in awe at that blob of paradise. You try to explain that inexplicable feeling but you freeze up and crave for that next second of paradise that followed the one before.

The adrenalin that creeps up your spine when you’re at the starting block waiting for that gun to blow. When it blows, it all goes away and you concentrate on that single impulse of sheer satisfaction. Satisfaction beyond the dreams of Heaven and Earth. Beyond the gifts of Zeus and Hercules. When you feel it, you never want to let it go, it just stays there and for as long as it lasts, you enjoy every minute, second and moment of it.

Contentedness indescribable by Shakespeare himself. Adjectives inexistent in the dictionary or any wise one’s vocabulary. Paradise unable to be personified nor any hyperbole existent to describe it. An encyclopedia of definitions would not suffice its meaning. Words inexistent in any language the world has to offer. Everyone in all walks of life submit to its power to satisfy.

It’s glory runs to the ends of the Earth and back. Nowhere is it’s glory unheard of and not acclaimed. The tribes dance, the tongues sing and the cultures celebrate. Firecrackers roar in the hearts of the privileged celebrating the indescribable happiness felt in their hearts. They want to preach of it’s power to satisfy but they can’t because when they try to open their mouths, their minds drift away into selfish fantasy that can only be beheld by the individual. The lucky individual.

What the young at heart feel when they rev their vehicle on a straight road. Where all is visible is the blur vapor a few inches above the road and the clear horizon. The rush it gives you when the wheels spin and inertia pushes you back into the chair. Beyond imagination? Beyond any form of any other humane experience? Beyond anything possibly done? No, beyond everything else but not beyond the blob of paradise that takes you away from everything for those few precious moments.

The ‘Eureka’ moment that most scientist work their whole lives for but when it comes, all else does not matter. Machiavelli’s theory that the ends are more important than the means say it all because when you achieve that blob of paradise, nothing else matters even if you had to sail the 7 seas over and over again because it was all worth it. No cost benefit analysis or utilitarianism concept could say otherwise because that blob of paradise is the ultimate of ultimates.

The feeling that lovebirds get when they receive heart shaped boxes on Valetines day. When he or she cuddles you the way you want to be cuddled. Intimate moments between two individuals that share a bond of love. The so called unbreakable bond that two souls chose to mutually share. The tingly feeling in your gut that tells you that someone deeply appreciates you. That tingly feeling is barely a taste of what the blob of paradise has to offer.

When the poor orphan is not loved by anyone feels a sensation of being wanted, needed or loved by a stranger. He is overcome with a sensation indescribable because of his tainted past. He feels what emotionally mediocre people cannot. What emotionally mediocre people take for granted all the time. When the poor orphan attains the attention he has craved for all his life, what he feels in his heart is seemingly priceless. Nonetheless it is still unrivalled to that blob of paradise we crave our lives for.

Wandering in the darkness of the night or in the brightness of the desert, the wonderer does not know where to go. He has no guidance nor sign to follow, his only purpose is to find refuge in a shelter where he may be given the glimmer of hope to keep on living. When he finds it, that blob of paradise, seems more and more realistic to him, but when what he sees from the distance is merely a mirage, the blob of paradise that is so precious and greatly appreciated in the circumstance of the situation slips out of the wanderers mind just like that and he keeps on walking.

Dying on a hospital bed with loved ones gathered round. The thought of losing a loved one close to the heart simply breaks the heart itself. You cannot let go because letting go would only signify defeat and surrender, merely showing that you have given up all hope on the individual. Though when hope glimmers, and the one close to your heart has the miracle of life, you feel that blob of paradise within yourself, though is that really what it signifies to every single person?

The blob of paradise, is within all of us, no matter how we interpret or define it, it is truly up to us. That blob can mean the world to us, it can mean joy, it can mean happiness or it can even mean love. That satisfaction and contentedness when we feel that blob is simply the sweetest moment.

Isnt it simple, but deep? Doesnt it really make u wonder?d first thing dat came to my mind after readin dis, was the truth in the message that he was tryin to get across to us. It made me think, n realise dat anything dat happens in our lives,is determined by us. How it happened, why it happened, n how we react to it. There's no one else to blame for our sorrow or joy, only ourselves. We determine who we are n no one else.

true frenz..

2006-01-13T17:55:00.000+08:00

frens r people whom u meet everyday, no matter where. anyone can b ur fren, anyone can remember ur name or how u look like. But what not everyone can do is to be there when u need a shoulder, be there regardless of the situation n understand us as well as trust us, with absolutely anything, a true fren. In fact, u can have hundreds of frens n all, but all u really need is one, only one true fren n its more den enuff..

This matter have always got me thinking. i look around, among my frens, n wonder, who are my real frens? Who are the ones who really consider me their true fren? Who are the ones I would be still in touch with 10 years from now? Sadly, one can never tell.

When i was in primary skewl back in srikl, i had a best fren, her name is siti naqiah. we usedto do evryth together n spend so much time with each other. then i skipped a grade, n we weren't in d same class since then. we hardly talked, even when we met, we acted as if we dun noe each other. She had moved on n so have i. It was tough for me to fit in at first cos evryone else had their own best frens n own group, i felt left out.eventually, i managed to adapt myself to the new crowd.

Nothin much happened when i was in std 5 tho, but the year afta dat, was an unforgettable one. I dont remember havin any frens then.i was always d bullied one, mayb most of it had to do with my appearance. I admit, I wasnt exactly the prettiest in class, wat the hell, i wasnt even close to pretty. c, i wasnt exactly thin, if u get wat i mean. so, evryone started to pick on me.den, dere was this gal, i think she nvr liked me. we always argued, n we always stay really "mean"stuff to each other. (keep in mind, we were real childish back then). This was from the moment we knew each other til d last day of primary skewl.

we bcame best frens when we were in form 2. so were we in form 3. we sat next to each other in class, we told each other about practically evryth n bein a typical gal, we gossiped a lot too! unfortunately, a yr after, i had to shift skewl. we hardly met each other, we only spoke on d phone n chatted thru msn. sad, huh.. but actually, it wasnt. d main thing dat really mattered was d fact dat we kept in touch even such a long time.

people change over time, as evryth else in this world does, but we stood by each other no matter how much the other has changed. recently, right after spm, i had gone out with her a couple of times, n trust me, dat couple of times, was nth but fun. we went shoppin (most of u wud b sayin 'no wonder' when is shoppin nvr fun huh).. we shopped for our prom dresses, college n cny clothes. As there were major sales at the time we went, we 'sapu'(as she wud refer it to as) as much as we cud, until we were officially 'pokai'. started consolin ourselves by sayin its jus once in a lifetime, n we had a blast.

my point is, one shud not b judged b4 u actualli take d effort to get to know them. anyone can be your true fren, if u let them. from experience, my frens are wat i call true frens. we are there for each other when we needed comfort, n we will always stick together no matter wat happens. so to all of my frens out there, regardless of how i know u, or how much we've talked , how close we are, i will always b ur fren, n i jus wanna thank u for bein mine.

fat or phat....

2006-01-11T18:03:00.000+08:00

have you ever considered urself as fat, or overweight? have you ever looked in the mirror one day, n realise dat uve gained at least 5 to 10 pounds and u dont even realise it? or have u ever been teased ever since u can remember, frens calling u names n wud come up with the phrase "i dun wanna fren u cos ure fat!!" i bet whoever is readin this now would think dat dis is wat im feeling n all.. but dats not really the case.. i used to but now i dont realli give a damn! I'm just talkin bout this in general....

if there's one thing i've noticed, rather oversized peepz are more cheerful n bubbly as compared to those not so fleshy ones.they're more approachable, and amiable, everyone likes them.dey can make u laugh till ur tummy ache, out of a simple subject from french fries to sitting down.they tend to have the 'happy go lucky' attitude.

most ppl nowadays are very health conscious, hence evryone's comin up with diet pills, slimming centres are everywhere! all sorts of stuff they come up with, but do they actually work?? u're shoving down chemicals down ur throat so that u'd hav the j lo, mariah carey body.. ironic dont u think? yet, there was still a very high demand for it. i personally think that dis is all B.S.!!(well, evryone wants to b SEXY!! i do toO!!! - evryone as in evry gal, of cos....)

in my opinion, the only way to lose weight is to watch wat u eat n get off ur bum more often n' lay off the snackzssss..... dats all actually. no need to starve urself n all dat. unhealthy diet is sooooooo not good for health!! i noe someone, n im rather close to him. he used to consume food in large portions, but now he's on a diet. he refuses to eat any food that's sweet, to cut down on sugar n all dat. evryone noes we need sugar rite, he had temper, cos he was hungry, he was always tired cos he dint get enough sugar n also due to d sudden change of habits. he got angry n became irritable over the littlest of things. he used to be a fun-loving, n jovial person b4 all dis dietin happened.

my point is, dieting may even b bad for health if extra attention is not taken. those whom he loves, will get hurt n disappointed, his health might deteriorate, in other words, im really worried about him. basically, its better to stay the same, jus b hu u r but with a lil more self control when it comes to food. i bet those of u reading this do not c any relevance to me or wateva but there is, honestly speakin, but its for me to know n for u to M.Y.O.B. hehe... jus jk.. ill end dis for now.. ciao

z long, long wait....

2006-01-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

hey,merry christmas to all of u out there.hope u guys had a jolly good time, n got cool prezzies too! Happy new year to all as well!!!today's a day like any other.woke up, breakfast n laze around.thats pretty much how my life has been since spm ended.kinda wished i was back in skewl w my frens n jus hangin out.but things hav been kinda awkward lately.even our trip to japan wasnt as exciting as d previous ones. neither has d days afta dat.anyway,i got lots of interestin news,some good to hear, some not.well, i guess dats how life is, aint it. it's always tough, dats how we noe dat we're alive.n time flies!!.wat in d world am i gonna do for the next month n a half!ugh...pure suckiness...hehe..speakin of which,im kinda excited abt trinity,but kinda dreadin it too.its normal i guess. life's gettin duller n duller.frens in college, im stuck at home, lazing around, dead bored, restless like hell...... wat more, my younger bro, azim had gone back to skewl.. pmr.. *evil laugh* (mine's over) akmal, d elder one, goin back to college, it's gonna b really really quiet arnd d hse.. honestly, i really shud start doin sth, cos ive been shoppin like hell lately, jus to kill time, not dat im complainin or anyth, d guilt n all u noe...been thinkin of takin up salsa, but havent found a teacher yet, good exercise so i heard, a fun one too... makin a scrapbook, a simple one of my life, to cherish all d moments ive had with my family n frens.... gotta find sth productive to do.... i better cut this short tho.. gettin a lil bit long now, will b back soon!